My hand turned me down
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
