Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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