Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we made out on top of his cat.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
