he thought i was a dude.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
