I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
