everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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