Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
