At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize