i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
That accounts for only three of the penises
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize