u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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