remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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