Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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