Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
