he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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