I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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