is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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