It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
