swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
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