Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
