Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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