If i come over, it means nothing
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Randomize
