I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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