You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Barsexuality is the new black.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
