no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
