remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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