Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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