On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Randomize
