Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I don't deserve a penis
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
