Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
