its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
