She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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