I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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