Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
