I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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