he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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