my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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