I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize