I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I need a beard to bite.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
