Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
