we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
