i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
