Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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