I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
