listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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