Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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