I wannas sexs uuuuu
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
