After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
