Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
