so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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