If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Me too!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
