So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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